Aliens intrigued by elephant hotdog-eating competition

There’s nothing like an exciting sports event to forget the worries of the day. With that idea in mind, Splagparp and I set off for the cross species hotdog-eating championship on Brooklyn's Coney Island. I used to be a regular at sporting events back home on beloved Krobol, but from what I’ve seen of Earthling sports they’re pretty boring. Well that was my view until yesterday.

After our visit to Coney Island, I’ve got to say that hotdog-eating ranks up there with Krobolian eye poking! The event started off in thrilling fashion as three large creatures, called elephants, were brought forward to take on three puny Earthlings in eating as many hotdogs as possible. Just as they got going we were approached by a man who offered us odds of 15 to 1 that the Earthlings would win. Well with odds like that we could hardly refused and Splagparp and I put down $20,000 on the humans winning.

Unfortunately, the Earthling contestants really let us down. In the end they barely cleared 140 hotdogs compared to the 505 hotdogs eaten by the elephants. If there’s one thing I hate in sports it is lazy athletes. Clearly they have life too easy, otherwise they would have at least given the elephants a run for their money. They obviously had no pride in their performance! At one point, my fury got the better of me and Splagparp had to restrain me from climbing over the barrier as I was sure I could do better myself!

After the event Splagparp and I commiserated ourselves with a hotdog each (we found plenty of uneaten ones in the trash), but were rudely interrupted by an immense shock wave of flatulence that almost deafened us. When we managed to get up we found that we had been seated just behind the elephant restrooms – no wonder the tickets had been so very cheap! Next time I’ll make sure that there’s no downside to getting close to the action! My ears are still ringing and my eyes are still stinging from the experience - also Splagparp is ensuring that all our clothes are sent to the launderette for some urgent bleaching...

Until next time. Pablit noglit splijbit pabalab (This day, may you avoid being flattened by meteorites).

Nilbert