Thursday 6 may 2010
4
06
/05
/May
/2010
18:14
I was astonished to read the story about Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, governor of the Russian republic of Kalmykia, who claimed to have met aliens in 1997. Apparently they
came and abducted him from his apartment and took him to their spaceship.
While
everyone else argues about whether the story is true or not I was disgusted by the rudeness of the aliens involved. I don’t know who they might have been but I can’t believe they were Krobolians.
If we’d been involved, we would have sent out an invitation a few weeks ahead of time and then invited him for a drink of bozul juice at an intergalactic café.
I might send him a message and ask for a meeting. At least that way he’ll know that some of us aliens have good manners.
Until next time. Pablit noglit splijbit pabalab (This day, may you avoid being flattened by
meteorites).
Nilbert
1
Tuesday 4 may 2010
2
04
/05
/May
/2010
16:21
Yet another
frustrating day with the Earthling press! I’ve just read that a flight was diverted because a passenger banged on the cockpit door, saying he was a space alien and wanted to fly the
plane! The local press released a photo and he doesn’t resemble any alien I’ve ever seen - and I’ve visited countless numbers of planets.
How is a genuine alien like me ever going to get taken seriously on this planet when I have all these sorts of people generating bad press for us?!
Until next time. Pablit noglit splijbit pabalab (This day, may you avoid being flattened by meteorites).
Nilbert
0
Tuesday 27 april 2010
2
27
/04
/Apr
/2010
16:07
Well I was mightily irritated to read in Earth’s press this week comments by inter-galactically renowned Professor Stephen Hawking stating that aliens should be
avoided. He speculated that aliens might head to Earth because they had run out of resources and therefore look to exploit the planet.
What a load of old, rancid spoozulworm droppings! I have been here for well over a year now and fascinating though Earth is I’d still struggle to think of anything I’d want to take
back home. As it is, many fellow Krobolians make fun of me for taking up this posting. It’s only my adventurous nature that has kept me going on this bizarre planet.
I’ve asked Splagparp to send Professor Hawking a message requesting a meeting. Let’s see his reaction when I turn up on his doorstep with my
Aunt Tweezonix’s splatzo pudding. One taste of that and he’ll be the one wanting to visit Krobol for its extraterrestrial offerings!
Until next time. Pablit noglit splijbit pabalab (This day, may you avoid
being flattened by meteorites).
Nilbert
0
Wednesday 14 april 2010
3
14
/04
/Apr
/2010
16:07
One thing that fascinates me about Earthlings is their capacity to generate waste products. Wherever you look they are generating something that
needs to be discarded or disposed of, but at a rate which is impossible to keep up with.
Yesterday I was reading a bizarre article about the possibility of disposing of nuclear waste in the Sun. Thankfully it was dismissed as a bit ridiculous. Everyone
needs to take a responsible attitude to the galactic environment and not seek easy solutions to getting rid of waste by dumping it on others.
I’ve previous told readers about the Wobloloo Orbiting Republic in the
Goblot planetoid cluster, where the inhabitants produce so much dung their disposal systems are unable to cope. It really is a frightfully smelly planet as a result. Once President Toogfip
Jarpsi, caused an inter-galactic dispute by packing several camouflaged spaceships full of Wobloloonian alien dung and sending them on autopilot to crash onto the supposedly uninhabited Pikloo
Moon around the planet Pleearps. Unfortunately, the weight of the alien dung deposited on Pikloo Moon upset its orbit and sent alien dung crashing through the atmosphere on Pleearps – much to the
disgust of the hygiene obsessed citizens.
We had to pull out all the diplomatic stops to prevent a war between Pleearps and the Wobloloo Orbiting Republic. Pleearps had to be evacuated for three years while inter-galactic
cleaning specialists, paid for by the Wobloloonians, dealt with the problem. Even today, if someone from Pleearps is feeling pessimistic about something they say “I think it will be raining dung
today.”
None of this, however, addressed the problem of what to do about the Wobloloonian alien dung. So since then I have taken it upon myself to
suggest they export it as fuel to other planets. What could be better than turning waste generation into a profitable business? We haven’t had much interest yet but I still raise the issue
whenever I can with Earthling officials.
Until next time. Pablit noglit splijbit pabalab (This day, may you avoid being flattened by meteorites).
Nilbert
2
Wednesday 7 april 2010
3
07
/04
/Apr
/2010
20:21
Last week I had a pleasant surprise when I received a phone call from the President of the International Space
University (ISU). He apologized for the intrusion and told me that he’d read about me in the alien press (so I was rather flattered!). He explained that the institution wanted to “develop the
future leaders of the world space community” and had the idea that I could help him. I replied that it was time for his university to look even further ahead in order to develop leaders of the
inter-galactic space community. From this basic conversation we created the idea of holding an exploratory course entitled Alien Studies.
When I
presented my teaching credentials, the ISU President was extremely impressed. After all, how many lecturers does he have who have taught on different planets?! As for my teaching techniques, they
are renowned on 15 planets. It’s all thanks to my old teacher Dr Bibloospit, who taught me Offworld Studies at Yapoobog University. Although he was frightfully smelly, and passed gas frequently
during his lectures, his classes were always fascinating. All the students used to fight it out to sit in the front row so they’d get a good seat for his classes. Admittedly, we’d have to stuff
rags up our nostrils to deal with the hideous stench but if you got down what he said you always managed to receive top marks in the exams. Now before any classes I teach I place a barrel of rags
in the front row. I must remember to take some with me to the ISU.
Pablit noglit splijbit pabalab (This day, may you avoid being flattened by
meteorites).
Nilbert
3
According to a recent survey in The Alien Times, the trend in spaceblogging has surged by over 2000% over the last four
years. Initially used for short-range planetary business, spaceblogging has now expanded in order for individuals to establish contact with aliens further away from home planets.